


Echo

by bonotje



Category: Glee
Genre: Future Fic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-09-22
Packaged: 2017-12-27 08:30:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/976657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonotje/pseuds/bonotje
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Blaine had it all: their careers, each other and above all, their children. A split second mistake, a knock on the door, and everything changes. Follow the Anderson-Hummel's journey of grief, survival and moving forward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Echo

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Major Character Death, but before the story starts.
> 
> This story has been with me for so very long now. One day my brain decided to be cruel and gave me this idea. It started out with 5 words written down on my iPod right before falling asleep and then took me ages to finish, but it’s here now. 
> 
> A very big thank you to Diem, for her support while I was writing this and for being an amazing beta :D.

 

Blaine felt the bed dip like it had done often since that day, that day that had changed everything in their lives. Two small bodies made their way into his arms. His son and daughter bear-hugged him tightly before resting their heads on his chest. After that first week he made sure the kids went to sleep in their own beds. But sometimes they still crawled into their… his bed late into the night and he couldn’t tell them no. It helped them to fall asleep, and by now it felt normal. In these moments he often thought back to that tragic day, a day that would forever be a sad day. Not a day full of laughter, as it had started in the morning. The phantom laughs that they had shared that afternoon ran through his head. They had been so happy, laughing and dancing around together.

_“Daddy, Liam is making a mess!” Amy exclaimed. The boy was twirling around with the batter mixer still in his hand, flinging cookie dough all over the place._

_“Don’t worry Amy. We’ll clean up when the cookies are in the oven,” Blaine answered._

_“But Daddy, Papa says baking isn’t a reason to make a mess of the kitchen,” the 8-year-old noted disapprovingly. Blaine chuckled at the look on his daughters face, looking so much like her father._

_“Well guess what! Papa isn’t here is he? We’ll make sure everything is spotless before he gets back okay, sweetie?” Amy sighed and acquiesced hesitantly._

_“Dada, look!” Amy’s 4-year-old brother squealed while proudly showing of his slightly disproportionate cookie._

_“Well done Liam. Let’s make some more before Papa gets home, alright?”_

_The family was back to making their chocolate chip cookies with Blaine humming out a song only he knew, when the doorbell rang._

_Blaine looked up. Kurt must have forgotten his keys this morning when he left for work. “Kids, stay here. That’ll probably be your Papa who forgot his keys again. And don’t go near the oven. It’s hot!” Grabbing a towel he cleaned his hands as he made his way over to the front door. “Kurt I can’t belie- …” he trailed of once he came face-to-face with two policemen._

_“Uhm, can I help you?”_

_“Are you Mr. Hummel-Anderson?”_

_“Yes, that’s me.”_

_“I’m afraid we have some bad news, Sir,” the older officer said. Blaine’s smile fell from his face at his words._

_“What… what’s wrong?” Different scenarios raced through his head. I didn’t do anything that I can be arrested for, did I? Did they find someone trying to break in? Was something wrong with his parents? Did something happen to Kurt? Kurt, please don’t let anything have happened to him._

_“We’re sorry to inform that your husband was in a fatal car accident.”_

_Blaine’s head filled with pleas. No, no, no, this couldn’t be happening. No. What. How? No, please be joking, please. Oh god please._

_“Daddy? What’s taking so long? Who’s there?” Amy’s voice came through the haze as she ran into the hallway._

_“Daddy?” She walked over towards her father._

_The younger officer winced as he saw the girl walk over to her father hesitantly realizing there was a child involved._

_A distressed look crossed Blaine’s face. Oh god what was going on, what was he supposed to do?_

_“Amy, Amy can you go… go play in your room with your brother, please,” he croaked out to his daughter._

_“Daddy?”_

_“Amy, please baby, I have to speak to the officers.” Slowly Amy went to get her brother, a concerned look on her face._

_“What happened?” he asked when he was sure Amy was out of hearing distance._

_“Sir, your husband was involved in a car accident. He was hit by a car running a red light coming from the left. The impact of the crash was fatal. We’re sorry for your loss, Sir.”_

_“Wh-where?”_

_“The junction between Flatbush Avenue and Church Avenue.”_

_“That’s- he was almost home.”_

_“Again we’re very sorry for your loss,” the younger officer said._

He was shaken out of the memory by a tiny hand clutching at his shirt.

“Dada, where’s Papa?”

“Oh, sweetie. Papa is in the clouds, dancing with the stars, remember?” He used the same reassuring words he always used to tell his youngest what had happened to his Papa and where he was now.

“Stars are pwetty, Dada.”

“Yes, they are Li. And your Papa is the prettiest of them all,” he added sadly.

__

* * *

_Week 2 _

The first week was a blur, dealing with the funeral/cremation and insurances had kept him going. After the ceremony everything hit him twice as hard. He sat on the couch in the living room, a bottle a whiskey in front of him and his phone in his hand. Rachel, he needed to call Rachel.

**“Hello, Rachel here.”**

**“…”**

**“Blaine, is that you?”**

He couldn’t get any words out. Why had he called again?

**“Okay, sweetie. Don’t do anything stupid I’ll be there in 10, okay?”**

**“…”**

**“Okay, I’m on my way now, Blaine. I’ll be there soon.”**

Rachel arrived in barely 10 minutes to find him still in the same spot, staring bewilderingly at the untouched bottle of whiskey in front of him. He didn’t know how he had been able to keep from breaking down in front of the kids. But after he had tucked them in bed safely and sat down on the couch he started to feel so lost. His anchor was gone. He felt like he was drifting in an endless sea, no sense of direction left without Kurt by his side. 

“Blaine, where are the kids?”

Blaine looked up, shaken out of the world he’d been in. “Bed,” he managed shakily.

“Okay. Blaine have you been drinking?” Rachel asked eyeing the bottle of Jack Daniels in front of him.

“No, it felt too melodramatic.”

Rachel couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Always a professional.”

Blaine looked back up at her with despair written on his face.

“I don’t know what to do, Rachel. Last week I was busy handling everything. I didn’t have time to think about anything, but now. I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s so quiet here, and not just when the kids are asleep. I just, I really don’t know what to do.”

“If you want I can take care of the kids for a while, give you some space?”

“I’d love that, but I don’t want to leave the kids right now. They- they already lost one parent, I don’t want them feeling like they’ve lost me as well,” he answered.

“Okay how about this. I’ll stay here for a few days to help you with the kids. You will still be here to take care of them, but if you need some alone time I’m here to take over. How does that sound, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, okay I guess that will work,” he said softly.

“Okay, I’ll go and get my stuff in the morning. Do you have something I could sleep in for now?”

“Just grab something from the top drawer of the dresser.”

 With that she left to get changed.

“Do you want me to stay with you or would you rather I give you some space?” she asked when she came back out of the bedroom, dressed in some of Blaine’s sweats and an old t-shirt.

“I’d like some time alone now, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure, I’ll just go and get some sleep then.” She gave him a soft kiss before turning away.

Blaine was left in the now silent living room, lost in his own thoughts once again. Normally Kurt would have nudged him and asked what was wrong, giving him silent support when he didn’t want to talk about it. There was no way out of his own head right now though, no one to shake him out of his thoughts. No one to stop him from thinking about it too much, to stop him from overanalyzing what had happened. Of course he could go and ask Rachel to keep him company anyway, but he meant what he just said, he needed some alone time. Trapped inside his own head he thought back to that day, picking it apart. If he hadn’t told Kurt about their surprise and hadn’t made sure Kurt knew to be home in time, Kurt wouldn’t have been at that crossing at that time. He would still have been at work, giving himself more time to finish his project without rushing home.   

_“Hey babe, you leaving already?” Blaine asked as he shuffled into the kitchen running a hand through his sleep-ruffled hair._

_“Yes, there’s a deadline for a big client today.”_

_“Okay. Be home in time though. The kids and I have a surprise for you.”_

_“Oh really? Well I wouldn’t want to be late for that, now would I? I really have to go now if I want to be home in time for it though.”_

_“Okay, have fun at work.”_

_“Thanks, honey. Give the kids a kiss from me, will you?” Blaine nodded._

And with a last kiss goodbye Kurt was gone.    

* * *

_Week 3 _

“Dada, look!”

Blaine looked over towards the couch where Liam was watching TV. He was pointing at where Dora was running towards a mountain.

“What is it, Li?”

“Swiper!, Swiper there!”

It took a while for Blaine to remember who Swiper was again, but then the fox in question came on the screen again, causing Liam to yell his name again as if Dora would hear him. Blaine chuckled at the look on concern on his boy’s face.

“What’s Swiper doing?” he asked as he sat down on the couch next to Liam.

“He got the rope fjom the bjidge!”

“I see. Should we help Dora get it back then?”

“Yes!”

Together they watched the rest of the episode. Liam crawling onto his lap and they sat like that for some time after the show ended. Blaine didn’t really notice what was playing on the TV anymore; he was just focusing on the little boy in his arms, keeping him close.

“Hey buddy, you excited to go to school tomorrow?”

“Yes!” Liam replied, suddenly more awake again.

“Big boy school, for my very own big boy. You’re gonna have so much fun, bud I’m sure. And Miss Ann is really nice, Amy used to be in her class. She will love meeting Amy’s big little brother, don’t you think?”

“’m Amy’s brotha,”

“Yes, you are and Amy’s brother should come and help me pick her up from her friend’s house.”

***

School started again today; summer vacation was over. As a music teacher at primary schools, he always had the same holiday schedules as his daughter, and now Liam as well. He didn’t have to return to work just yet, but Amy did. And it was Liam’s very first day at kindergarten. The alarm clock blared loudly. He knew he should get up. He really should get out of bed. He should make sure Amy and Liam ate their breakfast and got dressed. He really should, but he couldn’t make himself get up. Struck with a sudden fear, a fear of what was ahead. A fear of life moving on. A fear of being alone, being stuck while everything else kept going.  Amy going back to school would only make the house quieter, and with Liam leaving too… it would just be all quiet in the house. He was afraid of what would happen if he were to be left on his own. It would be the first time he’d be alone in the house. He was afraid of all the thoughts rushing in at once. Afraid of all the feelings crashing into him, paralyzing him. He would surely go crazy. The house was never quiet before. There were still the squeals of laughter bursting across the house at times. When Amy tickled Liam, when Dora didn’t hear Liam answer the question the first time and he giggled and said it again louder. But that too felt different, subdued in a way.  And he would be left in a house without even those bursts of innocent happiness. Going out didn’t feel right either; he felt imprisoned in his own house, a house that didn’t feel right anymore.

“Daddy? Daddy! Are you awake? It’s time to wake up.”

He shook out of his thoughts, opened his eyes and realized the alarm clock was still blaring loudly. It must have been going on for a long time if it woke Amy up from across the hallway. The worried look on his daughter’s face made him spring into action.

“Yes, I’m awake. Let’s get you some cereal, okay?” Amy nodded and made her way downstairs.

What was he doing? He should be there for his son and daughter, make sure they got up and were fed in time for school. Instead he was laying here in bed paralyzed with this stupid fear of loneliness and suppressing silence. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, willing the anxiety away. He grabbed a shirt from the chair in the corner of the bedroom and pulled it over his head. Moving with wary steps, he stopped by Liam’s room to wake the boy up.

“Hey buddy, time to get up,” he said softly.

“Dada,” came Liam’s raspy morning voice.

Blaine picked up the boy and made his way downstairs.

Amy was already sitting at the kitchen table. “Hey sweetie, did you already grab some cereal?”

“No Daddy, I was waiting for you to do it. You know how much milk I like in it.”

“Okay, let master do his work,” he tried to joke as he began to make some cereal for all of them. “Here you go, Ames.”

“Thank you, Daddy.”

“Are you happy to go back to school?”

“Noooooo, school is stupid!” Amy exclaimed.

“Schooj!,” Liam noted happily at the same time.

“Of course, I wouldn’t have expected any other reaction. Bad news though. You’ll be stuck in school for a few more years to come,” he chuckled. “And you, sir, you’ll be in school even longer,” Blaine grinned as he ruffled his son’s hair. Liam just nodded along, getting more and more excited for his big day.

“No but it’s stupid, Daddy. It’s not like we learn anything new there. I already know how to multiply numbers.”

“Well I’m sure Miss Catherine will teach you a lot of new stuff today. Come on, let’s go and get you guys dressed. You don’t want to be late on your first day, do you?”

Amy huffed but stood up to make her way over to her bedroom, while Blaine headed to Liam’s bedroom carrying the boy around his waist.

***

“Daddy!” he heard her yell after just a few minutes.

“What is it Amy?”

“Daddy, help!”

Worried about his little girl’s desperate cry, he quickly started to make his way across the hallway, grabbing Liam. He opened the door to Amy’s room and saw her looking at her wardrobe distress painted over her face.

“Daddy, I don’t know what to wear!”

“Amy, you have a closet full of clothes. Did you really have to make me come up here for that?”

“No, but Daddy, they have to be special clothes, Papa always helped me pick out some extra special clothes for the first day back after a holiday.”

“Oh,” Blaine said softly. Of course, how could he have forgotten? Each start of the new school year, Kurt and Amy always took ages to find the perfect outfit together. She was really hung up on their tradition. It dawned on him that this would only be the first of many to be broken. She was still looking at him with a sad look on her face. Well that couldn’t be how it ended. He would do his best to help her keep up the tradition.

“Well, what about this one, sweetie?” he said picking up a purple skirt. She nodded carefully, watching him rummage through her closet. “Uhm, with this shirt?”

“No, Daddy that’s boring. It has to be special, like… like this one,” she said showing him a nice t-shirt with a deer in the woods on it, the mint colored background matching the skirt perfectly.

“That, one would go great with the skirt. Now we just need something to make it even more special. How about we put your pretty purple flower in your hair?”

“Perfect,” she grinned.

“Okay off to school we go then.”

***

 “Hey Amy, it’s been a long time since I saw you last,” Miss Ann said as the three of them walked towards her.

“That’s because I’m in big girl school now,” Amy grinned.

“That’s right, and who’s this handsome looking boy?”

“That’s my brother, Liam!”

The teacher crouched down so she could talk to Liam at eye-level, where the little boy was tucked behind his father’s leg.

“Hi, Liam. I’m your teacher Miss Ann.”

“Hey, buddy. Don’t be shy.” Blaine urged the boy out from behind his leg when he tried to hide behind his Daddy’s leg.

“It’s okay. Most of them are like this when it’s their first day,” the teacher reassured. “But we are going to have lots of fun today aren’t we Liam?”

Slowly Liam appeared from behind his hiding spot, big eyes looking between Miss Ann and his father.

“Miss Ann is really nice Li. You’re gonna have so much fun today. Kindergarten is a lot more fun than big school,” Amy said contemplatively.

The grown-ups laughed at that. “I’m sure big school is a lot of fun as well, Amy,” Miss Ann said.

“No, big school has multiplications.”

This only caused the grown-ups to laugh again.

Blaine picked Liam up, “Ready for school buddy?” As Liam slowly nodded with wide blue eyes glued to Blaine’s, his father hugged him close to his chest one last time before pressing a kiss to his forehead and setting him back down again.

Miss Ann led him towards his table by hand and introduced him to the girl he was seated next to. Blaine blinked his eyes quickly when tears threatened to fall, waving one last time when Liam turned his gaze and casted a hesitant shy smile at his father.

__

* * *

_Week 4 _

Blaine got back home from doing some grocery shopping after he had taken the kids to school. He dumped the groceries on the kitchen counter. He had half a mind to put the stuff that had to be cooled in the fridge or freezer, but then slumped down onto one of the chairs around the kitchen table. The crumbs from Amy’s toast still lay on the table and there was a bit of milk where Liam had spilled it over his bowl of cereal. He hadn’t had the time to do more than put the dishes in the dishwasher this morning. Liam had been the total opposite of his shy self that morning, bouncing on his chair, excited to go back to school and see his new friends again. It had caused him to spill the milk on his shirt as well, though, making Blaine have to quickly change him into a new one and rush to school. He couldn’t turn up late on his first day of school could he? It might not have been their first day anymore, but that didn’t mean he could turn up late to drop Liam and Amy of.

A whole week had past. A whole week with both of his kids at school. It still didn’t feel right, coming home to a silent house. He realized this would be his life for now. No Liam running around banging his toys around the living room. No Kurt starting work late.

He should really just start  working again. It would be easier than staying in this too quiet house. The silence was deafening, it was so quiet. For some reason it felt overwhelmingly quieter than when Kurt was just at work. He’d been alone in this house many times. Never, never was it this quiet; he was sure of it. He needed to stop the stillness surrounding him. Music, music would help. He put the radio on to some generic station; it didn’t matter what was playing, it’s only purpose was to create sound. He fell back down on the couch with a deep sigh. His feelings seemed to keep hitting him as an afterthought. Like they just remember they were there, only catching up just now. A week after the kids had started school again, not on that day immediately. Weeks after the accident. The clock on the fireside told him it was only 10.41, but he already felt the need to suppress his feelings. With something, anything. He stood up and walked up to the liquor cabinet when the radio began playing a slow song.

_Hello, hello._ __  
Anybody out there?  
'cause I don't hear a sound    
Alone, alone.    
I don't really know where the world is but I miss it now 

He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and fell back down onto the couch. That song, that song did something to him. It captured how he felt, the words almost seemed to perfect. Only rain could make this whole situation feel more miserable, the perfect finishing touch. But as luck would have it the sun was happily shining outside.

_I’m out on the edge_ __  
and I’m screaming my name  
like a fool at the top of my longs  
sometimes when I close my eyes  
I pretend I’m alright   
but it’s never enough

“Why?!” Blaine yelled. “Why did this happen to me?  Why did you leave me, Kurt? I can’t do this without you sweetheart,” Blaine sobbed, tears prickling in his eyes. He grabbed the bottle in front of him and downed a big gulp of it, choking at the sting in his throat. “I just, I… Kurt how am I supposed to do this on my own? We were gonna be together forever. Kids, grandkids, we were supposed to grow old together. What now? I will never see you all wrinkly and grey. You will never see Liam become a dad, Amy become a mom. It’s not fair, it’s not, we we’re supposed to do all of that together!” Blaine tugged at his hair, pulling his knees up to his chest. “God if I could turn back time. I wouldn’t have told you about our surprise. You wouldn’t have rushed home and that driver, that driver wouldn’t have hit you. So stupid, why was I so stupid?” Blaine knew, he knew he shouldn’t be blaming himself for this, inherently he knew. Still he did; he wasn’t thinking rationally at this moment in time. Not when that song came at him like a freight train. “I know, Kurt, I know, but you’re not here to tell me I’m wrong.” He took another pull from the bottle, tears streaming down his cheeks. The radio now played some generic pop song. “You know I always put the blame on myself and I need you to tell me I should stop. That I should stop thinking like that, that not every bad thing in life is my fault. I just, I miss you Kurt and I’m supposed to go on with my life. With this pain in my chest, this gaping hole that isn’t going to be mended ever.” Another swig from the bottle, Blaine curled himself up in the fetal position on the couch making himself as small as possible. The alcohol started to kick in about three swigs back making his brain fuzzy and his thoughts cluttered. He closed his eyes to shut everything out for a short moment, or so he thought.

***

A buzzing from the coffee table woke him up. He aimlessly swung his hand over to the side to reach for his phone. “Daddy?!” came his daughter’s voice when he finally managed to push the green button to answer the call. “Amy!” he bolted up quickly, groaning as he felt the heavy thrumming in his head.

“Daddy, why aren’t you here to pick me and Liam up yet?”

Shit, he muttered covering his phone, “Oh sweetie, uhm Daddy fell asleep and forgot the time. Let me grab my keys.” As he tried to stand upright he knew he would never be able to go and pick up his kids. “You know what sweetie? Let me just call auntie Rachel and ask her to come get you, okay? Is this the school’s phone?”

“Yes, Miss Catherine let me use it. It’s really late Daddy, school let out almost an hour ago.”

“Can yo- can you give the phone to Miss Catherine. I need to talk to her sweetie.”

“Hello, Mister Hummel-Anderson?”

“Yes, yes I’m sorry about what happened. I fell asleep and forgot to set an alarm to pick them up. Is it okay if Rachel, Amy and Liam’s aunt, comes pick them up today? I’m afraid I can’t really come and get them right now.”

“Yes that’s alright. Make sure she’s here soon though. Amy and Liam are a bit upset right now they really want to go home.”

“Yes, of course. I’ll call her right away. Thanks for keeping an eye on them. Again sorry for the trouble.”

“Okay, bye Mister Hummel-Anderson.”

Oh god. How did he let this happen. What had he been thinking? Drinking in the middle of the day? He couldn’t do this; he needed to be there for his kids. Shouldn’t be drinking away his heartache in the middle of the fucking day. Okay, Rachel, he needs to call Rachel.

“Blaine?”

“Hey Rachel, uhm can you go pick up Amy and Liam from school?”

“Blaine, what’s wrong? School let out an hour ago. Why haven’t you been there yet?”

“Fell asleep on the couch, drank too much. I really can’t drive right now, Rach.”

“Okay, okay I’m on my way.”

***

He heard the front door open 20 minutes later.  

“Dada!” He heard footsteps approaching the living room, that stopped just in front of the door.

“Shh Liam. Your Daddy’s not feeling so well right now. Let’s go make you guys something to eat,” Rachel whispered to his son.

“It’s okay, Rachel,” he quaked loud enough for them to hear. He was still sitting on the couch, his hair disheveled from where his hands had been tugging while he waited for them to come home.

Carefully they walked into the room. Liam immediately crawled into his lap, a confused look on his little face. A face that shouldn’t have to look like that. He didn’t know what to do, so he just hugged him tightly and kissed the top of his head. He felt the couch dip next to him where Amy sat down, unshed tears glistening in her sad eyes. He pulled her in close too. They didn’t know what exactly was wrong, but they knew something was wrong.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, “it’s gonna be okay.” His eyes locked with Rachel who was standing in the doorway awkwardly. “I’ll call you. Thank you,” he mouthed. She nodded and whispered a goodbye.

 “It’s gonna be okay, we’ll get through this,” he mumbled again, rocking them softly.

 

* * *

_6 months later _

“Come here, buddy. I need to wash your hair,” Blaine said to his little boy who right now was occupied with splashing his toy dinosaur around in the bathtub. Blaine sat back against the tub with his arms draping over the edge, just enjoying watching his son play with his dinosaur while he soaked for a while.

“Nooo, Dada!”

“Come on, buddy. You can keep playing while I get your head nice and clean. Just come sit with Daddy.” Liam pouted but gathered up a bunch of his toys before scooting over to the other side of the tub. Once he sat down he rested his head against his father’s chest. Blaine quickly wrapped his arms around him to give him a tight hug. “Good boy. Now which shampoo should we use? The green one or the blue one?”

“Gjeen! Like mah dino.”

“Of course. Sit up a bit, sweetie so I can put it in your hair.” He squirted some of the shampoo into his hands and began to gently rub it into the chestnut brown hair. “Your hair is getting long, buddy,” he said as he shaped the brown strands into a soapy Mohawk. “Dada, w’t you doin?”

“I’m giving you a Mohawk,” Blaine grinned. “Look how awesome it is.” He lifted the boy up so he could look at himself in the slightly fogged up mirror above the sink next to the tub. A big smile spread across the boy’s face. “Asum.”

“We should give you a real one when we go to the hairdresser.”

“Nooo. Only soapy mo’wks, Dada.”

“Hmm, I guess. Don’t think Papa would’ve allowed it either.”

“Liam has hair like Papa,” he announced proudly.

“You do. It’s very pretty. We need to wash out the shampoo now, bud,” he said quickly blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall from their keep. “Head back and close your eyes.” He waited for Liam to follow his instruction before holding the spray over his head, washing out the soap. “All done.” He pressed a kiss to the now apple-scented hair.

“Daddy? Are we still going to watch TV together?” came Amy’s voice from the doorway.

“Hey, sweetheart. Of course we’re still going to. We just need to get dried off and put your brother to bed, okay?”

“Kay! Can I help read his story?”

“Sure. Go and choose one of Liam’s books,” he answered.

 

* * *

Not knowing what his kids were feeling was the hardest at first. Not knowing when they needed him the most. But then he recalled some of the talks he had had with Kurt. About how he felt when his mum died. He was the same age Amy is now. Kurt told him how his dad tried so hard to keep it together for his sake, that he always knew something was wrong. And not just something, he was fully aware of what had happened. He knew what his dad was going through, knew what was wrong. Even eight-year-olds pick up on even smallest changes in behavior.

He tried to remember what Kurt said about how he felt, how he himself had dealt with his mum’s passing. He told Blaine that of course his dad had helped him through it, but that it wasn’t just his dad. He dealt with it in his own way, a way that was different from his dad’s. Remembering things he used to do with his mum, stuff that was only shared between the two of them, stuff his dad couldn’t help him with once she was gone. He and his dad shared certain things, but there would always be little things he’d rather keep between him and his mum.  

That’s exactly what he tried to keep in mind the last couple of months, especially for Amy. He knew Liam still needed him, needed him to answer his questions when he got confused about what had happened. But Amy, Amy he needed to give her, her own space. To let her deal with the situation in her own way, to not try and take over every little thing Kurt did with her. It didn’t mean it wasn’t hard to see his sweet girl so sad at times, trying to hang on to something lost. When Amy had allowed him to help her pick out clothes for the first day of school, he was relieved. She gave him a way into her grieving process, of letting go of some of the things she used to do with Kurt. Still there were things only between Kurt and Amy. Kurt started to teach her how to sew. They started out simple, letting her get the hang of the basics first. Teaching her how to trace the pattern on paper and how to make the best use of the fabric. “You can’t sew without knowing how to draw patterns,” he had said. As she got better at one thing, they moved onto more difficult skills together.

So when he saw the light on in Kurt’s workplace he knew to let her be, only coming over to see what was wrong when the frustrated groans started to grow louder.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“The stupid thread keeps tangling up.”

“Uhm, okay. Do you know why that might happen? Did that happen with Papa sometimes? Maybe he showed you what could be wrong?” he said uncertainly. He didn’t know anything about sewing. The one time Kurt tried to teach him he ended up with a pin stuck in his ass cheek, which was a definite mood killer. He chuckled at the memory.

“It’s not funny Daddy!” Amy groaned.

“Sorry, sorry, I just remembered something funny. I wasn’t laughing at you, darling.”

“Hmpf, just help me get a new needle in. I’m sure that’ll help,” she grumbled, but there was a soft smile forming on her face while she said it.

“Okay, where do you keep them?”

“I think Papa always put them in the little box on the shelf above his desk.”

And so he helped her change the needle – with a little more trouble than expected. No one told him he needed to re-thread it up as well. He let her get back to the little bag she was working on, telling her not to stay up too late.

 

* * *

Blaine was cleaning the house. The remnants of their breakfast had been cleared away and he was now vacuuming the living room. It was his day off from work.  He’d gone back into work about 2 months ago. He needed it. He was beginning to go stir-crazy holed up in the house, only leaving it to pick up the kids and buy groceries. The change was refreshing.

After those first few weeks without Kurt, he started playing around on his guitar a lot more. Half a dozen unfinished songs and melodies still covered the desk in his little workspace. Many of the songs would probably never get finished, but they were pieces that helped him to slowly rebuild that broken puzzle, a puzzle that still had a lot of pieces that were lost, pieces that would never be found again. Sitting among his instruments made him yearn for music, to get back out there and play in front of people again. It had been ages since he performed on a stage, sang anything other than children’s songs.

The siren of music and performance was his impetus to pick up his guitar and sign himself up for the open-mic night in the little café around the corner. He was unrehearsed when he sat down on the high stool. The stage was softly lit, In a sea of people who listened to him with various degrees of attention. The low thrum of voices became background noise to the melodies he played on the guitar. His eyes glimmered with unshed tears at the end of his last song. Surrounded by unfamiliar people he still searched for that face, searching for Kurt’s face that bared a proud smile, like he had done so many times before. The crushing feeling in his chest was overwhelming when he still didn’t find his better half at the end of the set; it hurt like hell.

He sat down at the bar afterwards with his head clearer and the tight pressure in his chest loosened up a bit. He knew he couldn’t keep himself locked up in the house. A house that no matter how big it was, was still crammed full with hurt, sadness and loneliness. He needed to go back to work and immerse himself in people who loved him and supported him. He wanted to make joy appear on those kids’ faces again.  

So that was what he had done. The very next day he called into work to tell them he could start again the following week. He tried to keep his workload light by only working at Amy and Liam’s school for the time being. He used to work at two primary schools: Amy’s one on Mondays and Thursdays, and Tuesdays (and sometimes Fridays) at the other school. Kurt and Blaine hadn’t wanted to leave Liam in daycare too much, so they each took a day or two off from work to be with him. By now, he had picked up work at the second school as well, with a day off in the middle of the week. It gave him some time to clean the house, do some grocery shopping or anything else that had been waiting around. Life was returning to some semblance of normalcy.

They had fallen into a new rhythm, a rhythm not that different from before, but nevertheless different. Intervals between laundry day got longer without Kurt there to bemoan the hamper getting to full and not having any clothes to wear. Dirty dishes lay in the sink more often, because no one had time to empty the dishwasher or they forgot. And even though he once turned his white sport shirt baby pink, he didn’t have to look for any rogue socks twisted in the bed sheets before putting them in the washing machine.

 

* * *

5 years later.

“So can we hang out tomorrow?” he heard Justin say to Amy at the front door where they were saying goodbye. His little girl wasn’t all that little anymore, 13 years old and her first real boyfriend. She had grown up too fast, but then again wasn’t that what every father said. She sure knew how to stand her ground, though. She knew what she wanted, a lot like Kurt in that way. He couldn’t help that his mind returned to thoughts of Kurt when that day was coming up.

“No, sorry I can’t. Tomorrow is a family day,” he heard her reply. Tomorrow it would have been five years, five years since he lost the love of his life. Five years since his kids lost their father. A lot had happened in five years, but that day was still the same. It was a little grim, though a lot less than in those earlier years. They tried to make it a happy day as well. They didn’t go and visit a grave; there wasn’t one. Kurt had wanted to be cremated. He always felt sad that he couldn’t go visit his mum’s grave whenever he wanted because he lived in New York. Having an urn meant he could be with his loved ones wherever they went. They had given it its own space in the living room, not too prominent but always close.

“Oh, okay. Not even in the evening?”

“No, sorry Justin really. We can still meet up the day after though,” she insisted. Blaine could hear she was feeling unsure about what she should say.

 

She knew it wasn’t fair to not tell Justin about tomorrow. A month of dating just felt like too short of a time to tell him about something so important. Of course he knew her father had died when she was young; she told him on their second date. The knowing and sympathetic look on Justin’s face told her he knew it wasn’t just any family day. Thankfully he didn’t push for more, happy to know they could still see each other the day after. He leaned forward to give her a quick peck on her lips. She still blushed when he did that, but it also brought a smile to her face and she was happy to see it reflected on Justin’s face.

“Okay, I’ll see you soon then,” he said as he started to walk away. His home was only a block away from hers.

“Bye.”

“Hey sweetie, ready to for dinner?” her dad greeted her as she walked back inside. She knew damned well that he’d been listening to their conversation. She knew from the look on his face and his attempt to hide the concern behind a smile. The next day would be a though day for all of them, but they did always try to make it a joyous day. And it did always end up being one. But it didn’t mean that waking up wasn’t hard. That seeing her dad with a forlorn look on his face at the kitchen table didn’t hurt. Even Liam had always known that something was wrong with that day even though he was still very young when it had happened. It was always a sunny day though, as if her papa was telling them he was there, that everything would be okay.

“Yes Dad, what’s for dinner anyway?” she said shaking those thoughts out of her head for now.   

“Oh I made a chicken and rice casserole, nothing special.”

“Okay, should I go get Li?”

“Yes please, I think he’s still in the middle of a battle with some Transformers though, so watch out,” he smiled.

She chuckled and started to make her way up to her brother’s room the sounds of the aforementioned battle floating down the hallway.

“Hey, Liam dinner is ready.”

“But I haven’t defeated the evil transformer yet! Help me!”

“Liam…” Amy Hummel-Anderson did not fight against imaginary bad guys, thank you very much.

“Please Amy, we need you otherwise the whole world will be in the hands of him!”

“Okay, okay, what are his weaknesses?” she said, just this once, it still was the day before _that_ day after all.

***

“What took you guys so long?” his dad asked.

“We had to defeat the evil Transformer, Dad. Amy helped me.”

“I see, thanks for saving us then bud,” his dad chuckled. Liam liked it when his dad smiled when he had done something good. He didn’t smile a lot on these days. He didn’t know if Amy knew; she had been too busy with Justin lately. He tried to make his dad smile as often as possible though. He didn’t like it when he was sad. Liam hoped his normal happy dad would be back soon. He knew why his dad was sad, of course, he knew. The mood in their house started to shift the last couple of days, everyone knew what day was coming up soon. It was like all three of them were gearing up for tomorrow. Dad was quitter, often locking himself up in his office. And Amy was overly bright smiles for the outside world, but that face-splitting smile would always fall right back off when she closed the front door behind her. He tried to just keep playing a lot, surely if they saw he was happy they would be a little less sad. That’s why Amy needed to come help him defeat the bad guy. She never helped him fight, anymore; she said she was too old for that. He knew it made her happy though. And he definitely couldn’t have defeated him without her.

* * *

The next morning they all woke up on their own. No alarm had been set, no one woke another one up.

Blaine made his way downstairs and walked over to the small table in the corner of the living room where they kept Kurt’s urn. He softly ran two fingers over it, like he had done so many times before. The first days after they had been given the urn he didn’t dare to look at it, surely it would make everything too real. But after a few days he needed something tangible. And though it wasn’t always the urn, Blaine would run his fingers over it every morning.

He walked into the kitchen to make some breakfast. He saw Amy already sitting at the kitchen table with a half empty bowl of cereal in front of her. He just grabbed one for himself from the cabinet. They didn't say anything; no words were needed. Not wanting words was maybe a better way of explaining it.

Slowly the day started.

Blaine stood up once he was done with his cereal, putting the bowl down into the sink and making his way to the front door to grab the newspaper. He remembered getting the newspaper the day after Kurt's accident. Only a very small piece talked about the car crash on that crossing. Seeing it written down in such a factual way was a bit of a shock to his system. Other people would read those words and not know who Kurt was. They wouldn’t know about his family or what his last words to them were.

Now Blaine looked for similar notices in the newspaper. He guessed it was just some irrational part of him that wanted to know that it wasn't just his husband that had died on this day.

When he read through every obituary and accident related articles, he turned towards the sports pages. He wasn't as big of a sports fan as he used to be, too busy to keep up with all the facts about all the teams from different states. Still he always scanned the pages of the newspaper for teams he particularly liked. Liam had dropped some hits about him wanting to start playing football. He was always talking about how Sam, his friend from school, was already on a team. Giving him exasperated looks when Blaine said he was still too young. 'Daddd, it's just little league they won't let anything bad happen, okay?'

He was probably going to cave soon and let him join a team, Liam needed somewhere to spend his excess energy. He played the piano, but that wasn't enough, he needed some physical way of getting rid of it. He had looked up some stuff about the team his friend Sam was on and it seemed like a good team with a good coach. Yes it was a good idea, a good surprise for his little boy. 

At the exact moment he made that decision he heard the stairs creak, a sleep ruffled boy making his way downstairs. He had never been good at waking up, just like Kurt. Surely he would start drinking coffee as soon as Blaine allowed it. Coffee was Kurt's favorite 'meal' of the day. You'd better not try to wake him up with just your own good morning greeting, though when he heard the distant sound of the coffeemaker prattling he would be much easier to convince to leave the bed.

Liam sat down next to him where he was still sitting with the half read newspaper in front of him.

"Where's Amy?” he asked

"Uhm, not sure? Amy?!" Blaine called out. He hadn't noticed her leaving the kitchen table. He really shouldn't get so lost in his own thoughts. Even though it caused a lot less trouble than it would've when the kids were younger. Danger was apparently still just around the corner. In fact the corners of various objects had often been the cause of injuries.

"Yeah Dad?" Amy called from what seemed to be the bathroom.

"I guess you have your answer Li," he chuckled.

"Dad?! What do you need!"

"Nothing! Liam wanted to know where you were!"

"Oh he's finally awake!"

"Hon, don't you think this conversation would go better if you just came to the kitchen?"

"But I'm not done yet!"

"Never mind then." Liam called back instead, clearly annoyed by the loud noise so soon after waking up. Blaine tugged him close for a bit, before pressing a kiss to his forehead, which was immediately wiped off.

“Ugh, daaaad.”

“Don’t be so grumpy Liam,” Amy said from the doorway, she was done then.

“I’m allowed to be grumpy okay,” Liam said frustrated, tears forming in his eyes.  

Sometimes Blaine and Amy could fall into the normal rhythm again after their earlier start of the day and they’d forgot Liam had only just woken up and hadn’t had the time to deal with what the day yet. He hadn’t had his time to process the emotional day.

“Of course, bud.”

Of course he was allowed to be upset, to be grumpy because of what this day meant to him. And it wasn’t limited to this day and also wasn’t expected on this day. His kids were allowed to deal with it in their own manner. It didn’t matter if they’d wanted to play around and watch cartoons all day or rather lock themselves up into their room. It was perfectly okay if they didn’t want to be sad and instead focused on happier thoughts. But Blaine always tried to make sure it wasn’t just a way to coop up emotions. Emotions would eventually always find a way out. Emotions needed to get out, which, he had learned quite soon after the accident. He couldn’t keep suppressing his hurt and despair. It only caused him to act out in unproductive and unloving ways around his kids. Random outbreaks of anger about the littlest things would follow and just make everything worse. Once he realized what he was doing he made sure to just give himself time to grieve, time to be hurt and to not be afraid to show it around them.

“Dad? Can I watch cartoons now?”

“Sure, did you finish you cereal?”

He nodded and made his way to the living room, shoulders hanging heavy. It was hard for him, missing someone that he hadn’t really gotten the chance to know. He’d often asked where his Papa had gone. He’d always tell him the same story, saying that his Papa would always be around if he needed. Blaine had made sure to show him pictures and videos to help him remember Kurt.

“I’m going to watch some cartoons as well, Dad.”

“Okay.”

Blaine began to notice that Liam was showing some similar traits as Kurt’s. He picked up Kurt’s hair pushing trait quickly. From videos and maybe from Kurt’s days off if he could possible remember that. Kurt used to shuffle down the stairs with sleep ruffled hair, making a poor attempt at trying to fix it but not in the mood to actually do it properly, to fix it up into his normal quiff. He kept having to brush it off to the side throughout the day. He remembered one day when his hair had gotten quite long. It was a hot day like today and his hair kept falling back down over his eyes.

_“Pfff,” he heard from the other side of the table. He looked over at his husband’s frowning face._

_“What’s wrong, babe?”_

_“Nothing,” Kurt huffed._

_“You sure?”_

_“Yes, Blaine.”_

_‘Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed’ Blaine thought, and went back to reading his newspaper again. A few minutes later he heard the frustrated exhale again. And soon after again. He looked up just in time to see the hair on Kurt’s forehead fly up. He chuckled at the frustrated expression on his face._

_“What?!”_

_Okay time to take measures into his own hands. Blaine stood up and made his way up to Amy’s room. It was time to wake her up anyway. He softly opened the door to his 3-year-old’s bedroom. He was greeted by a pair of  piercing honey colored and very open eyes._

_“Hey Ames, time to get out of bed.”_

_“Dada.”_

_He pulled her up to rest on his waist and made his way over to her closet._

_“We need to help Papa out,” he said grabbing a headband from the pile of accessories. “Do you think this will fit Papa’s big head?” She nodded enthusiastically._

_They made their way downstairs. “Do you wanna put it on him, Amy?”_

_“What?” Kurt asked perplexed. He now had a lap full of a 3-year-old trying to grab his head._

_“Just sit still hon,” Blaine laughed._

_Amy pushed the headband over Kurt’s head, but didn’t know what else to do. “Dada, hep.”_

_Blaine helped her push the headband back up to keep Kurt’s hair out of his eyes and pressed a kiss to his now free forehead._

_“Perfect,” Blaine grins._

_“I look ridiculous,” Kurt groaned._

_“You look pwetty Papa,” Amy squeals._

Blaine smiled at the memory. They had just decided to try for another baby and two months later they had gotten the news that one of the embryos took. And 9 months later their little family was complete.

He grabbed the newspaper and made his way over to the living room. The sight that greeted him made him choked up a little bit.  Liam rested his head in Amy’s lap, some tear tracks were still visible on his face, but a content smile was now spread on it. Amy was running her hand through his hair as they both watch whatever cartoon is on TV. He smiled; they’re quite the team his kids. Quietly he walked over to the couch and after some rearranging of bodies they sat together comfortably. Liam’s legs were now in his lap and Amy’s head was resting against his shoulder. He didn’t really care about the episode of SpongeBob on TV; he was just happy to have them close to him.   

There must have been a SpongeBob marathon on TV because when he woke up he once again hears the sponge’s voice blaring through the TV. He had fallen asleep halfway through the second episode. He lifted his head from the back of the couch and hissed at the soreness in his neck. Liam was still lying next to him on the couch with droopy, sleepy eyes staring at the box in front of him, but still enthralled in the cartoon. He heard Amy rummaging around in the kitchen, probably making a quick snack.

A few minutes later she walked back into the living room with two sandwiches. “Oh, you’re awake. Do you want me to make you one as well?”

“Hmm, no. It’s okay I’ll go make something myself. I need get this crick out of my neck anyway,” he huffed as he stood up, trying to stretch his back while walking towards the kitchen.

“Someone’s getting old,” she grinned.

“What did you just say, young lady?”

“Nothing,” she said sticking her tongue out.

“Oh it’s on!” He called back as he turned back around and ran over to her.

***

“Dad! Look it’s raining!” Liam’s yell came from the living room. It took a few short strides and he was in the same room with an empty glass in his hand.

“Dad, can we go outside in the rain? It’s so hot in here.”

He smirked. Of course they wanted to go outside and splash in the rain. “Yes, but come back inside if you get cold. Don’t want you guys getting sick.” They both ran into the garden with raised arms, twirling around under the thick raindrops.

He went back into the kitchen to fill his empty glass. He reached for the bottle of Coke and held it against his sweaty forehead, running it down his neck. With a sigh of relieve, he opened the bottle to take a long swig out of it without considering the glass next to him. He used to love summer; he still does. But it was different. It no longer involved Kurt gradually shedding layers upon layers, as the summer reached its peak. He was drawn out of his reminiscing when the sound of happy laughter made its way back in through the backdoor. He smiled at the sight before him: Amy was giving Liam a piggyback ride. Liam’s brown hair was matted to his forehead and his head pressed onto the top of Amy’s.

Amy smiled widely when she spotted him in the doorway. “Dad, come join us. It feels so amazing!”

Blaine shook his head, a knowing smile on his face, happy to just watch his kids have fun. No matter what, this day always ended with joy.

Liam hopped off Amy’s back and ran towards Blaine, tugging on his hand, “Come onnn Daddy!” he pleaded. And soon enough Amy joined him and grabbed his other hand. He chuckled as they pulled him into the backyard together. The rain was a welcomed relief on his overheated skin.

“Dance with us Dad?” Amy requested. And so he did just that; dancing around the garden to music only they could hear. As suddenly as it began he came to a stop. Blaine hugged his two children to his side and looked up to the sky with a big smile on his face. They were going to be okay. 


End file.
